English Marking Scheme

8 05 2010

This is how to get full marks in ANY English Exam…

1 Have neat and Fancy Handwriting [10 marks]

2 In every essay write at the bottom a ‘Thanks You’ note to the teacher, saying how you couldnt have possibly written this without them [20 Marks]

3 Dont use highligters/vivids ect [2 marks]

4 Recite exactly what the teacher says in class

5 Include your teaches favourite type of tea/hobvby or sport [5 marks]

6 Have parents who are their bosses [100 marks]

7 Write Poshly, and pretend you are English [10 marks]

8 Do what you are supposed to do on the Test [1 mark]

9 Write ‘DONT DO DRUGS’ somewhere in your paper [4 marks]

10 Use long words [15 marks]

Hope this helps you in any upcoming tests or exams!

Will Work For Beer

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The Solution to all our Problems

7 05 2010

 

President Rock!

If you are eager for a way out, but dont want to risk voting for the next George Bush, why not vote president rock? His decisions wont affect anyone!

No More War! President Rock wont declare war, no matter how hard other countries try!

Less Taxes! President Rock doesnt need money to buy fancy houses and giggling girlfriends!

Less Pointless Decisions! President Rock wont appoint anyone as “Vice Super Extra President Of Novelty Items”

Good Environment! President Rock loves the Environment! And unlike other presidents, he would prefer the Earth saying alive for at least a few more years!

Less Badly Spent Money! President Rock wont waste money and paper making stupid ads like this one!

So Vote President Rock, Do the Right Thing!





Things to do in a Lift 11-20

7 05 2010

This is a small compilation of the things to do in a lift. We now have over 45 different things, so be sure to visit the whole list here.

11 Explain to the other passengers that you are invisible.

12 Explain to the Wall your plans of World Domination

13 Attempt to sell your invisible items to the other passengers

14 Try teach the other passengers Chinese (or any other language) correct their pronounciation for any tiny mistake.

15 Tap dance while singing im a little tea pot over and over

16 Make loud farting noises and blame it on other passengers. Used best when Its only you and one other person

17 Convince people that you are the Real Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter

18 Attempt to sell 10 cents for 5 dollars.

19 Ask for a disabled seat

20 Spit on your hand and ask to shake other peoples

Have a suggestion? Comment!





Sports and their REAL uses!

5 07 2008

You might see no reason for sports, but this little guide will prove you wrong and make you wanna go outside and play, just like when you were younger,  from 90 years ago to ever since you found this blog and wasted your life reading this…

Tennis, BaseBall and Cricket:The Sole Joy of imagining your boss’ head as the ball. Batter Up! He hits it, Home Run! (and just hit the ball as hard as you can in tennis)

Rugby, American Football: The governemnts way of re enacting gladiator fights!

Soccer: Two Words; Sliding Tackle!

Table Tennis, Badminton, Wii anything: “Oops. I didnt mean to let go of the racket. And i definetely didnt mean for it to hit you there

RaceCars: Drifts, skids and CRASHES! Yeah Baby!

Water Polo: Piggybacks in the water can really effect wheather you are gonna drown or not…

Skiing, SnowBoarding: Block up the jumps or ramps! Or slide full speed into other people! And havent you always wanted a foot extention to kick people far away from you?

I hope this gets you back outside, even if your neighbour mysteriously dissapears or your boss was found on the other side of the Sahara Desert…Blame it on the Govenment!

Will Work For Beer





Bringing Back the Pet Rock

30 05 2008

Tired of Noisy, Messy Animals? Try a New Pet Rock! Your Kids Will Love It!

Pet Rocks don’t need much, just a loving home. Ideal for kids who are a bit reckless because pet Rocks wont bite or get squashed. They are Very Calm but Shy. It migh take a while for them to get familiar with you. They don’t need to be fed much, or anything at all! Life expectancy of A Very Long Time.

FAQ’s

How do I know If my Pet Rock is dead or Alive? You Wont!

What should I feed it? Anything, apart from hammers, diamond and hard things. Invisible things work well. So does Nothing.

So What are you waiting For? Get Your Pet Rock Now!

Stock Wont Last!

Buy Now!

Buy Now!

Be the First!

Buy Now!

Dont Delay!

Limited Stock!

Buy Now!

Will Work For Beer





funny magic trick

30 05 2008




Best Thing To Do To A Stranger!

12 05 2008

Try this, it is so funny!

Randromly go up to a stranger (preferrably somebody who looks important) and ask them for their name. After they tell you atart shaking their hand. Dont let go.Ask them how their days been. Find out and pretend to be interested. Ask them how they have sex. They may struggle or attempt to get away but keep shaking their hand, as normal. Tell them they cant leave till theyve answered you. When they reply something random, reply I do it by shaking peoples hands. See what their reaction is. If its bad, RUN!

Will Work For Beer